This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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