Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
