You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
