I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
