He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
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Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
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Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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