I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
