I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I have post one night stand depression
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