i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize