my vag is so smooth its legendary
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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