I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
