the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
