Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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