you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
