I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
