My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Randomize
