Texts From Last Night

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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes

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  (717): apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes http://tfl.nu/cx0j
  Replies (6) Good night (516) Bad night (2646)
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  (210): View more from Texas

  I should be sponsored by Trojan

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  (210): I should be sponsored by Trojan http://tfl.nu/5ivb
  Replies (15) Good night (4489) Bad night (584)
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  (925): View more from California

  we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks

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  (925): we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks http://tfl.nu/odpi
  Replies (19) Good night (1584) Bad night (4068)
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  (904): View more from Florida

  now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.

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  (904): now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis. http://tfl.nu/g1kt
  Replies (9) Good night (1362) Bad night (2329)
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  (573): View more from Missouri

  and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.

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  (573): and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex. http://tfl.nu/r14v
  Replies (13) Good night (2549) Bad night (895)
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  (937): View more from Ohio

  She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.

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  (937): She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable. http://tfl.nu/xs8x
  Replies (10) Good night (2727) Bad night (1074)
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  (620): View more from Kansas

  And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.

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  (620): And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life. http://tfl.nu/jjq6
  Replies (15) Good night (1908) Bad night (601)
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.

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  (859): Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling. http://tfl.nu/qu9z
  Replies (4) Good night (842) Bad night (947)
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  (906): View more from Michigan

  Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.

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  (906): Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work. http://tfl.nu/815e
  Replies (13) Good night (1004) Bad night (2786)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.

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  (303): You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories. http://tfl.nu/6f6h
  Replies (15) Good night (1667) Bad night (842)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.

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  (519): We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars. http://tfl.nu/3me1
  Replies (8) Good night (836) Bad night (256)
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.

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  (781): MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE. http://tfl.nu/t2xt
  Replies (4) Good night (497) Bad night (251)
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool

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  (403): Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool http://tfl.nu/mskr
  Replies (4) Good night (230) Bad night (506)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around

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  (425): She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around http://tfl.nu/v7uu
  Replies (5) Good night (697) Bad night (202)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.

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  (717): Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound. http://tfl.nu/jfvw
  Replies (2) Good night (640) Bad night (201)

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