just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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