This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
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He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
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i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful