I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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