So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
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