I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
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