don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
