if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
