we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
