I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
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