That's when you crack a 10am beer
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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