we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
