the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
