Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
