The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
