Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
