I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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