I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
