i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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