Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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