I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
