he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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