i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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