Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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