oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
