I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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