Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
