I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
