I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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