i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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