i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
