and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
