so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
