you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
