She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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