if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
