I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
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you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
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You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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