proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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