i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
