I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
