Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
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