pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
