I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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