i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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